Saturday, 24 April 2010

Virgin Bloggin

Well its been a week, and what a week its been, currently I want nothing more than to type, so eager to close those pop ups that turn up when you switch on the computer, so eager to ignore the chatty man next to me as I ride the train home. I’m pent up with conversation, with something to say, with something to discuss. I had nothing at the beginning of the week, hence the lack of posts compared to my first week of virgin blogging.

But I’m not sure I actually want to write it, I want to say it, I want to fucking scream it!!! Vigour, attitude…I don’t know what it is, what has come across me these past couple of days. Alas, my junior writing skills will only articulate so much, in such a grey sort of manner that what I’m actually feeling will be lost under a blanket of uncertainty, and lost vocabulary.

As for weeks in the large spectrum of things, the volcano in Iceland, the election in Britain, the beautiful sunshine, what are we supposed to be thinking? Dismay…confusion…joy? For me its been a rather off week, for both actions I have committed, and emotion that conjoins my ever move. I last left you with a couple of images for my latest “complete” project for a retail store. Some of you may say they’re great, some may contradict that comment. As for my assessor, she was quick to say that it was a “lazy” approach to the scheme at hand. Now I am not sure that this is entirely true, considering my anxiety about getting this scheme complete, but maybe she holds some water. It could have been better, more considered, sharper, cleaner, evocative, classy. And it does make me sad that I can’t seem to reach the standards that I set my self….for absolute perfection. Some say that it’s ridiculous to reach targets disproportionate to what you are expected to achieve, but put it another way, if your not setting your GPS to get to Rome, your never going to bloody get there!
So there I was at the end of a long Friday, listening to the rest of my class being crited, with the knowledge that I hadn’t pleased my client, and that I wasn’t that able to reach the goals I had set. But we live and learn, and strive for more. So we take what we learn, and re apply, re address, and in my case, it was to draw. Now this is not just on an A4 sheet of paper for a few minutes, this was to draw to death any notion, any idea, any random nuance that had the delight of popping into my head. I must destroy this project through the art of pen to paper, on what has become known as the studio tapestry. Drawing on a 25m long piece of paper, I have begun a timeline of my work, that I must say, I’m rather proud of, and will continue till the end of said project.

The week continued with a variety of topics of varying maturity, but the last day, the Friday, caught me out…the knowledge that came to me is that, I have no style. Now maybe this would not be a problem if I were, for an example, an accountant, its just sums! But for a designer, were style is the all important, to have “the eye” for materials, for colour, for the juxtaposition of programmes flowing together….shit, I cant do it…..

….yet. I have to believe in the “yet” rather than the “never”. The never will leave me as a consultant for waste management at a Chelsea nursery school, a dull repetitive smelly excuse to rub shoulders with the “elite”. No no no…I cant be settling for this, I just can be, so how do I take on the challenge of finding the elusive “style” that I so desire? You tell me…!

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